The Rules Of The Game
by Cola-Flavoured-Sherbet
Summary: The New Directions explain the basic rules of a game that is sweeping the nation. Or should be in Jack's opinion. OC oneshot.


"Why hello! I'm Jack Harmon from the McKinley High glee club: New Directions." Jack said.

"And I'm standing next to him." Brittany added on smiling.

"You know, the world of professional sports has seen some very unsportsmanlike conduct recently: drug use is rampant, player salaries are obscene!" Jack exclaimed dramatically.

"And tennis is still boring. I mean, who watches that?" Brittany asked.

"I think you've been spending too much time with Shore Leave." Jack whispered to Brittany before carrying on.

"Anyway, that's why the world needs a new form of athletic entertainment. One that is not only fun and exciting, but appropriate for adults and children." He said.

"And inappropriate for everyone else." Brittany said. Jack looked to Brittany before looking back.

"Of course I'm talking about the sport that's sweeping the nation. The sport known as," Jack said before a lightning bolt struck and a logo came up.

"Puckball." Jack then said, with a smirk on his face.

"It's fun because you get to use a hammer!" Brittany then exclaimed, a smile on her face.

"And also because you get to kill Mohawk Jew with it." Jack then said.

"Over and over again!" Brittany exclaimed in that same excited tone. Jack laughed, liking the fact that someone else was excited about getting to kill Puck.

"Exactly." He said to the blonde dancer before turning to the camera again.

"But how do you play the game being hailed as 'The Sport Of The Distant Future'? Well, the rules are simple." Jack then said.

"Almost simple enough to understand!" Brittany then said in that exact same airy tone.

"For more, let's turn to our resident sports ecologists, Professors Happy Feet and Dry Dock." Jack then said.

**0000000000**

Cheesy music played as the camera then panned into the HarmCo simulation room which looked like a sports arena with other glee members playing in the background. Dylan, wearing a blue vest and Santana, wearing a red vest came into view

"Wassup? We here at the American Puckball League of America are constantly testing and refining the rules of Puckball." Santana started.

"But the basic structure of the game is easier to understand. A bomb, known as the Puckball, is placed at the centre of an open court." Dylan added on.

"At either end of the court is a goal. There are two teams: one red." Santana then said before Dylan pointed to his shirt.

"And one good." He said, smirking to Santana who scowled at the blonde boy before carrying on.

"And each team must defend it's goal from the ball carrier." She said.

"And just who is this ball carrier?" Dylan asked, looking to Santana with a smirk. The Latina smirked back before both glee clubbers turned to the camera.

"You guessed it!" Dylan said and as Santana said "that guy", a shot of Puck in a yellow vest holding a ball was shown. He was looking around the court, confused.

"Hey! What the? How did I get here?" he asked before looking to the bomb in his hands.

"And how did I get this bomb?" he then yelled before he started running. The camera then turned back to Dylan.

"Any player that picks up the ball, red or blue, instantly becomes Puck." The boy said.

"That makes the ball carrier easier to identify. And I mean it. The boy's a walking STD." Santana then said before the camera went back to Puck, who was flexing.

"Yeah, I'm famous. And good looking." Puck said before Dylan came into the shot.

"And, easier to kill." He said, holding his hammer.

"Yeah, I – wait, what now?" Puck asked before Dylan's hammer came crashing down on Puck.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" the mohawked boy cried out as he flew across the arena.

"_Each player is equipped with a gravity hammer._" Dylan said before Sam ran towards the bomb, picked it up and he became Puck in a flash.

"Whoa! How did I get this bomb again?" Puck asked before running away from Jack and his thrashing hammer.

"I gotta watch out for those hammers this time." The football player told himself before Finn had struck Jack with his hammer and he went flying across the room.

"_And an energy sword._" Santana said before it showed a shot of Jack slashing Puck with his energy sword.

"Ow! Goddamn it!" Puck called out as he fell to the floor. Mitchell then came over and hit both Puck and Jack so both Puck's body and the ego went flying across the arena.

"How the hell did he do that?" you could hear Jack yell.

"_To score, the ball carrier must drop the ball on his opponent's goal, ending the round. The team with the highest score after nine rounds wins." _Dylan said before it showed Puck dodging endless attacks from the other players.

"I got this. Be the ball, be the ball. Go left, now I'm gonna go right. Psych!" Puck said before he scored.

"Oh, I scored! Yes! Woohoo! Awesome! Puckasaurus strikes again!" he yelled triumphantly as he celebrated before it showed Dylan standing in front of the goal and Puck and Rachel stood by the goal.

"And to make things even more exciting, the ball explodes after every score." He said before it showed Rachel running away from the goal in the background but Puck was oblivious.

"Haha! In your face, non Pucks!" he yelled before noticing something.

"Wait, what was that? Something about an expl-" he said before the ball exploded and Puck was blown away once again.

"Oh my god! My skin is on fire!" he called out in pain.

**0000000000**

"So as you can see, Puckball is the ideal sport. And has all the elements of classic gamesmanship: Puck pain and suffering, Puck humiliation and defeat and Puck multiple deaths." Jack then said as the camera quickly went back to him and Brittany.

"It's just like hockey…except with Puck and more teeth." Brittany then said.

"Puckball! The sport of tomorrow is the sport of today. Se you on the court, sports lovers and Mohawk Jew haters." Jack then said with his trademark smirk.

"Hey! Look, Jack! Someone's left a ball here!" Brittany said, pointing downwards to something off-camera.

"And I'll just casually pick this up and return it to the area of play." She then said, picking the ball up, her blue vest turning yellow. Jack smiled to the camera before arming his gravity hammer.

"Oh crap." Brittany then mumbled before Jack lunged with his gravity hammer. But Brittany was too fast and did the splits so Jack ended up hitting the camera.

**0000000000**

**Another PSA one shot! Along with the Gadgets one, the rules of Grifball have to be my favourite and when I planned this I knew I wanted it to be Puckball from the start. Plus with Jack's general hate for Puck, I thought he was perfect for Sarge in the video.**

**I hope you enjoyed it!**

**The next chapter of 'He's Alive' should be up Tuesday and I am so excited for the Nationals episode it is insane. I do have a few things already planned for Dylan in that episode so it should be a pretty amazing finale chapter. I'm also thinking about doing another real life oneshot on tour. Should it be a continuation of You Can Make Me Or Break Me or somethign different?**

**Feel free to review! :)**


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